Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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