Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
