okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
