Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
