That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
