This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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