Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i now understand why vodka
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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