thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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