So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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