my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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