Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
