It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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