OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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