I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
