HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So much rum. So many feels.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
