Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
