lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
