Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
