i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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