my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I want to be your penis for a week.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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