I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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