On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
