I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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