plz talk dirty to me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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