The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
