nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
