left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
