help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
