I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
