Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
