It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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