I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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