Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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