So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
