Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Im part way to drunk.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
