I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
