I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
