i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
