john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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