So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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