The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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