Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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