I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
