I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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