Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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