Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
