I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I could fuck to npr.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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