I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Panties = found
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