you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
