Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
