You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
