Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
