there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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