Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
