Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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