That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
