She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
