yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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