I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
