so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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