Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
