Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
